Just say Yes, And

My friend Insa called the other day, asking for some help with their investor pitch – they were a finalist in a pitch competition. Real Cash Opportunity! Now they just had to win over the investor judges. She sent over their ‘draft’ pitch, which was good, but not great. Missed on some key points that investors want to see. I gave her feedback… and they came in 2nd! $15K real cash money baby! All due to my tips, of course. So bet you’re wondering, what were they? Well, read on…

1. Yes, tell a story, but tie it to MONEY
   • I am the first to say that storytelling is good for pitching – I teach it! It is especially helpful to ‘hook’ investors to listen to your pitch. Yes stories can connect you to your investor, but your story can’t just be a story for whimsy – it has to tie to something financial: how your story is the story of SO many of your customers, why you and everyone you know wants to work on this idea 24/7, why every person on the planet quickly gets addicted to purchasing your product…you get the gist. Make the personal story something investors care about – how you make more money.
2. Don’t harsh on your competition
   • Karen from the TV show Will and Grace used to say: it’s sad because it’s true. But sad/mean/negative anything doesn’t work in a pitch, even if it’s true. It just makes you come across as desperate and petty. And if you’re in a niche market that your investors may not be terribly familiar with, they won’t know who your competitors are anyway. Don’t bother trashing them – just acknowledge their existence. And of course why you are extra awesome even though they exist – which they always do. (NEVER say you don’t have competition. Death’s Chef Kiss.)
3. If you’re Actually Growing your Revenue, Focus on That
   • Nothing is hotter to an investor than making money. To follow up on Will and Grace and quote another 90s reference, this time I’ll shout it as it’s done in the Jerry McGuire movie, ahem: Show Them The Money! Make your graphs, charts, point huge arrows to how the smaller number gets bigger. This also subliminally tells them their money will also go up if invested in your business. [The subliminal effectivity from doing this is not scientifically proven, but hey, sounds true.] Note the AI generated pic for this post above. The slide in my AI entrepreneur’s presentation just shows a graph that goes up. No labels needed…all you see is growth…my business will be very successful…
4. Don’t assume your investor audience knows anything about your business
   • Just because investors are the richest people in the room, don’t make the mistake of thinking they are the smartest people in the room (they’re not) even though they think they are. Huh? Exactly. Just because you know every tidbit about the xyz industry and the dynamics of the xyz market doesn’t mean anyone else does. Or cares. All investors care about is if you (they) can make them money – see point 1 above again. Explain your business simply. Don’t get into the weeds, the science, the details, the history, the nitty-gritty – no one really cares, and if they do, they will ask. Then tell them how you make money. Tell Them How You Make Money. [Repeating. with caps, for Emphasis.] Then Tell Them How You Will Make MORE Money – with the investment money they give you.
5. Don’t bore them with “potential” market numbers, calculations, or charts
   • YAWN. These numbers are dumb and hypothetical and maddening. Investors get irritated with TAM slides (Total Addressable Market) because they are imaginary. Investors don’t care. All they care about is the Actual Market, as in, who is actually buying from you and if that number is growing (see point 3 above.) Don’t waste everyone’s time and mental energy to fight you on some stupid thought exercise that someone made you do in your Entrepreneurship class or Accelerator session. Waste. Of. Time. Show your numbers and your market’s numbers (if compelling). Investors have boats and yachts from all the money they made so they love the boaty expression: A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats. If other people are sailing [making money] in something similar, you might too. Now they’re interested in your boat [company].

Well, the Trump Tariffs are sinking everyone’s boats now. The world’s public money markets went into a tailspin/nosedive/leap to the bottom/sinking ship/landmine/grenade/quicksand, ok I’ll stop. The public markets seem to be over. Maybe private capital, like angels, VCs, and mezzanine debt players, will increase funding to start-ups. Investors have to try and make money somewhere. To get investment from the private capital guys, you have to win them over with a public thrashing, ahem, presentation.

So have your pitch ready to sail! [To inspire you, here’s AI pictures of a “pitcher” on a rising tide sailboat. Added “baseball” for the 2nd image.]